Call Me by My Name: The Power of What We Call One Another
Updated: Oct 1
By Aurelia Lyles, MBA
There is something powerful about calling a person by their name.
The name their parents gave them. The name they chose for themselves. The name they tell you they use.
A name says, “I see you.”
And yet, we live in a society where we have become increasingly comfortable replacing a person’s name with a label.
The “B” word.
The “N” word.
Stupid.
Loser.
Lazy.
Crazy.
Useless.
And sometimes we say these things so casually that we forget there is a human being on the receiving end of them.
But words don’t simply disappear after they leave our mouths.
They can stay.
What Happens When We Replace a Name With a Label?
When someone repeatedly calls us something degrading, our minds can begin to associate that word with who we are.
At first, we may know, That’s not my name.
But repeated exposure can change the conversation happening inside us.
A child may not understand the dictionary definition of a word, but they understand tone, rejection, fear, humiliation, and belonging.
A toddler who repeatedly hears, “You’re bad,” may not understand what “bad” means in an adult sense.
But they may understand:
Something is wrong with me.
I disappoint people.
This is what people call me.
And when a child grows up hearing degrading language directed toward them—or toward the people who look like them, live like them, or come from where they come from—the words can become part of the environment in which their identity develops.
This is why name-calling deserves more attention than we sometimes give it.
We Have Been Conditioned
Society has taught us that certain words are acceptable depending upon who is saying them, who is receiving them, and what the circumstances are.
We have normalized insults.
We have normalized racial slurs.
We have normalized degrading women.
We have normalized humiliating children.
We have normalized calling people names when we are angry.
And sometimes we even disguise it as affection, humor, culture, or “just how we talk.”
But familiarity does not automatically make something healthy.
And repetition does not make something harmless.
There is a difference between describing someone’s behavior and reducing the person to a degrading label.
We can say:
“You hurt me.”
“I disagree with what you did.”
“That behavior was disrespectful.”
“You need to take responsibility.”
Those statements address an action.
Name-calling attacks identity.
Name-Calling Can Become a Weapon
At the Brown Barn Project, we talk about leadership, etiquette, self-respect, and the responsibility we have toward one another.
That responsibility includes our words.
Words can be used to encourage.
Words can teach.
Words can correct.
Words can restore.
But words can also be used as weapons.
Name-calling can become a mechanism of control:
If I can make you feel small, I can make you easier to control.
If I can make you question your worth, I can gain power over you.
If I can define you before you define yourself, I can influence how you see yourself.
That is particularly dangerous when the person receiving those words is a child.
Children are still building their understanding of who they are.
They are learning:
What happens when the adults around them repeatedly communicate the opposite?
A Child Does Not Have to Understand the Word for the Word to Have an Effect
This is something we should think about carefully.
A young child may not understand a racial slur.
They may not understand a sexualized insult.
They may not understand why one particular word makes the adults around them angry.
But children are extraordinarily observant.
They learn what words mean through context.
They learn who gets called what.
They learn which names produce laughter.
They learn which words cause someone to become silent.
They learn which words are used when someone is angry.
And eventually, they may begin repeating what they have heard.
This is how language can travel from one generation to another.
Not because a child fully understands the history behind a word—but because the child has learned that this is what people call people.
We have an opportunity to interrupt that cycle.
So What Do We Teach Instead?
At the Brown Barn Project, we turn toward Ma’at as a foundation for forward movement.
Ma’at gives us principles centered on concepts such as truth, justice, balance, harmony, order, reciprocity, and right conduct.
Imagine applying those principles to something as simple as someone’s name.
Before I speak about you, is what I am saying rooted in truth?
Before I humiliate you, am I creating justice or imbalance?
Before I reduce you to a label, am I honoring your humanity?
Before I teach a child to call someone a degrading name, what exactly am I teaching that child about human beings?
These are not small questions.
They are questions about the kind of society we are building.
Call People What They Ask You to Call Them
There is dignity in saying someone’s name correctly.
There is dignity in learning how to pronounce it.
There is dignity in respecting the name someone has chosen.
And there is dignity in correcting ourselves when we get it wrong.
We don’t have to agree with everything another person says or does to recognize their humanity.
We don’t have to surrender our boundaries.
We don’t have to tolerate harmful behavior.
But we can hold people accountable without stripping them of their humanity.
That is a lesson worth teaching our children.
And it is a lesson worth relearning ourselves.
Your Name Matters
Your name is not merely a collection of sounds.
It is connected to identity.
It is connected to family.
It is connected to history.
It can carry culture, hope, memory, and meaning.
So when someone tells you their name, listen.
When someone tells you how they want to be addressed, listen.
And when you are tempted to replace their name with a degrading label, pause.
Ask yourself:
What am I trying to accomplish with this word?
Am I communicating?
Am I correcting?
Am I protecting a boundary?
Or am I trying to hurt?
There is power in knowing the difference.
At the Brown Barn Project, we believe our young people deserve to grow into leaders who understand that power.
Leaders who know that strength does not require humiliation.
Leaders who can disagree without dehumanizing.
Leaders who understand that etiquette is more than knowing which fork to use.
Etiquette is how we treat human beings.
And sometimes, one of the simplest acts of respect is also one of the most powerful:
Call me by my name.
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